Love and Devotion

What's working for us right now is the love and devotion that Zen and I have towards each others healing. Despite the overwhelming amounts of sadness that sneaks up on us and brings us to our knees in our puddles of tears, we are somehow able to comfort one another and save each other from drowning. Sometimes he rescues me, sometimes I rescue him, and sometimes we just swim around in our tears with our eyes closed tight, wishing desperately that when we open them, Hunter will be standing there in front of us, smiling and giggling, letting us know that he's home to stay.

But he's not there. He's never going to be there again, standing in front of us, smiling and giggling.........and that's what's NOT working for us. We're devastated. We're sad, we're angry, we're hurt and overall.........we are just not happy with the way that Hunter's life ended. And our life used to be nothing BUT happiness. And all of a sudden, it's taking a whole lot of effort to just find some genuine smiles within our days that last longer than a few seconds. There is a looming cloud of sadness that hangs over our souls and it's ever so present and so not enjoyable. Zen and I still share a good bit of laughter together, but that laughter is always chased by our reality...........and our reality right now is every parents worst nightmare.

This was our wedding day. One of the last happiest days of our lives. Zen and I had already been together for 5 years when we gave birth to Hunter. He proposed in December of 2005 and we got pregnant in January of 2006. Hunter was born Sept. 21st that same year. We got married a year later and Hunter fell sick within a month. Our lives would soon be forever changed.......