We lost our precious lil' love to AML Leukemia on March 8, 2010. As an incredibly strong family unit, we fought this horrid disease for 2 1/2 years........only for it to come back a fourth time to finally claim Hunter's life. Zen and I are truly devastated and the beautiful light that used to brighten our days and enhance our souls, no longer exists. Our hearts are truly and forever broken. We have a long journey ahead of us, but we are committed and devoted to surviving and living our life embracing Hunter's amazing spirit. With tremendous honor, we will carry on his legacy of love, his legacy of courage and his remarkable ambition to live strong, live fearlessly and live with passion.

You will remain forever in our hearts baby love. We carry you with us every moment of every hour of every day.

About US / Photos

Fate........that would be the first word that comes to mind when I think of the relationship that Zen and I share and how we were brought together.  How we met is a true love story and somehow........the universe has combined our souls and has made us one.  Our love is extremely strong, our trust in each other is wholehearted and our bond is indestructible.

We started this blog as a way to journal our "healing" process. We are truly committed and devoted to each other's healing and will see one another through to the other side.  Even with Hunter's passing, we have so much to look forward to......a brilliant future.

Zen and I took off on an amazing road trip after Hunter died, which is how we came up with the description "PAIN"cation. It was kinda like a vacation......but not really.  It was refreshing, it was healing, it was beautiful......it was much needed.  However, it was also painfully, heartbreaking and sad and we definitely shed more tears than laughs on that trip.  There were several times when we both looked in the back seat expecting to see our little love, sitting there, smiling, enjoying the open road with us.  So incredibly crushing to look back and see an empty seat.

We were gone for a little over a month and and we took several photos, saw lots of friends and had an amazing journey.  In the middle, we stopped off in Hollywood for Hunter's Memorial Celebration, which was just incredible.  Below are some links to our photo journals.  Enjoy.

"PAIN"cation I Photo Journal

Hunter's Memorial Celebration

"PAIN"cation II Photo Journal

Additional Family Photo Journals

Me, Zen and then there were 3 - Family Photo Journal

Our Wedding Day Slideshow


Zen is also an amazing photographer and he's taught me everything I know.  He's photographed several celebrities, his work has been featured in The Smithsonian and he's had billboards up in Times Square, NY......just to name a few highlights.  Together, we take a TON of photographs.  He's taught me how to capture beauty, moments and most importantly, what makes an eye a "good" eye.  He still continues to photograph, with his main focus being high-end weddings.  He travels back and forth to LA a good bit......but never stays away from home for long.  I focus on everything else......children, bugs, random interesting things......

The Celebrity wedding of Crystal Kung and Rob Minkoff,
This wedding was published in the extremely prestigious
wedding magazine, Grace Ormonde.

Family photo of Paul Stanley from KISS.
This was published in People Magazine.
Zen also photographed their wedding which was truly AMAZING.
Due to their celebrity status, their photos are kept in the privacy vault.

Joe PesciRobert Shapiro and a couple of Cowboys

The "boys", hanging out at the Maloof Christmas Party, hosted by

While living in Hollywood, Zen also photographed TONS of actors.
He was very well known and did a phenomenal job of always
delivering an incredible shot.

Joe Pesci and Paris

Zen's Website -  Zen Todd Photographers 

Lenore's Photo Journal - Lenore's Photography

Oh yeah.....I also forgot that Zen suggested that I become a Make-Up artist so that I could work with him more and we could be more of a "team" and we could build the business together.  So I became a Make-Up artist and did that for about 4 years.  My Make-Up blog is Hollywood Make-Up - That was actually a pretty cool gig.  In addition to working with Zen, I also worked with Hollywood photographers, Brad Buckman and Michael Sanville and for Smashbox Studios.  I also just remembered that, when we first met - 9 years ago, he suggested I become a Massage Therapist - so I went to school and got certified and did Massage Therapy in Hollywood for about another 4 years, while I was doing Make-Up and acting.  I even shot a MasterCard commercial with Peyton Manning as a Massage Therapist.......they cut my head off in the spot, but I still got paid ten grand.......WOO HOO!!!!!!  Wow......Zen's kept me busy.  Who knows where my life would have led if I hadn't of met him - but I can say that I probably would not have become a Massage Therapist, or a Make-Up Artist or a Photographer, and I definitely would not have been kick ass on a dirt bike.

And thank goodness he has me......because if not he'd starve.  hee hee.

Some of my Make-Up work - larger images available on my Make-Up Blog:

More interesting info:

In addition to photography and raising Hunter and now expecting another child......we have lots of other hobbies.

Zen rides the hell out of dirt bikes and it's truly one of his biggest and most fulfilling adrenaline rushes.  He's got about 20 dirt bike buddies that all share the same passion.  They meet up all over the country and do extreme rides in very remote places.  Zen raced in the Baja 500, he rode his dirt bike with Johnny Roles from LA to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico and back.....just for fun - thousands of miles traveled.  I decided to fly instead.....better on my rump.  And he's also competed and has done exceptionally well as a desert racer in California.  He's one of the fastest riders I've ever seen.  (If you haven't pieced it together yet......that's how we came up with the name Ryder).  Zen is hoping our next son will share some of the same passion and he'll have another cool buddy to ride with.  Mamma on the other hand......is keeping her fingers crossed and is hoping he is AS GOOD as dad if not better.  Lots of wrecks and hospital visits with this particular sport.

The week that Zen and I met.......I had actually just completed my course and passed my test and was granted my motorcycle license.  He was thrilled that I shared a similar interest, but recommended that I definitely DO NOT ride a street bike in LA as a "beginner".  Death was probably waiting for me right around the corner.  EXTREMELY dangerous.  So instead, he suggested I take up dirt bike riding and build up my skills first on dirt, and then take it from there.  So other than my weekend class and textbook knowledge......Zen also taught me all I know on a dirt bike......and I'll have to say he taught me pretty well, hence the previous comment about dirt bikes.  He was quite proud at how I could haul ass with him and ride with the best of them.  I'll have to say I was quite proud myself.  Although I did have my fair share of wrecks.......in fact once my bike bucked me off the back like a wild horse and whipped me like a rag doll into a big, HUMUNGOUS rock.  And if I remember correctly.....the initial impact was not very forgiving.  It was a pretty hard rock.  At least the hardest rock my body has ever been thrown at......not fun.  So I've since retired my boots, chest protector, knee and elbow pads and helmet......and I'm ok with that.  Once I got pregnant with Hunter, it was just too dangerous and risky to have both mom and dad out in the desert risking their lives.  Hard to breast feed when your arms and legs are broken.

That's me in the photo down below.  As I was posting it, Zen was looking over my shoulder and said....."aaaaaaw.....my little pipsqueak". I look kinda dorky.........he looks so cool in his photographs.

Official dork alert......hard to take me seriously. 

Zen and I were also both actors when we met.  He was extremely successful in Television and Film and I was very successful in commercials and hosting.   Zen had been on everything from ER to Buffy to Roswell, Walker Texas Ranger, The Lone Ranger.....and several films.  I shot national commercials for BMW, UPS, Miller Lite, Sam Adams, Colgate.......yadda, yadda.  We both stopped pursuing those careers at different times for different reasons, and it definitely came to a halt once Hunter got sick.

Zen and I at the Sundance Film Festival right before we got pregnant with Hunter. 

Zen's acting resume is posted on IMDB - Zen Todd / Todd Thawley

Oh so sexy.......

Below are my hosting and film reels from back in the day.  I'll be posting Zen's acting reel once I dig it up......it's pretty cool.

My headshot that Zen photographed for me - 

I've since taken up cooking...........guess one of us has to be responsible for feeding the family.  I started up Tasty Bistro on YouTube with a blog - TastyBistro.blogspot.com - but as soon as I started to get on a roll, Hunter fell ill again with his 2nd relapse.  So that project has been put on temporary hold.

And now..........life is going on........our priorities have changed, our perspectives have molded into something completely different and our ambitions have been reinvented.  Aside from losing Hunter, the most important and cherished part of our life, every other change has been wonderful and welcomed with open arms.

Zen is pursuing becoming a Portland Fire Fighter and I am working on publishing Hunter's blog and sharing his story with the rest of the world.  We are both still photographing and will also continue our efforts to raise awareness about Leukemia and every other aspect that is involved; fundraising, cord blood donations, and becoming a bone marrow donor.

We've tragically lost Hunter, we are expecting another baby boy and we are hoping to have 2 more children after this.....Zen has agreed to give birth to the next two so I can have a break. Man wouldn't that be nice if it could really happen???!!! We desperately want a family........our own lil' tribe......to care for and grow with and experience life with and all of it's true beauty........we couldn't ask for anything more.