We lost our precious lil' love to AML Leukemia on March 8, 2010. As an incredibly strong family unit, we fought this horrid disease for 2 1/2 years........only for it to come back a fourth time to finally claim Hunter's life. Zen and I are truly devastated and the beautiful light that used to brighten our days and enhance our souls, no longer exists. Our hearts are truly and forever broken. We have a long journey ahead of us, but we are committed and devoted to surviving and living our life embracing Hunter's amazing spirit. With tremendous honor, we will carry on his legacy of love, his legacy of courage and his remarkable ambition to live strong, live fearlessly and live with passion.

You will remain forever in our hearts baby love. We carry you with us every moment of every hour of every day.



Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Empty Arms


These use to be the arms.......

that would hold you so fondly and squeeze you so tight.

They'd dance with you and tickle you and embrace you at night.

They'd comfort you and treasure you and keep you from fright.

They'd forever deeply love you, with all a mother's might.

..........and now these arms are empty. (Lenore Davis)


A slideshow of some of my favorites moments shared with Hunter. Our bond will never be broken and he'll deliver me smiles for the rest of my life. I sincerely loved him with all of my heart.



My love and devotion to Hunter leaves me breathless. My heart truly aches, my mind painfully throbs and my strength leaves me in despair. The hole in my heart and in my soul is so incredibly large, I feel as if sometimes my body just gives way and the hole just swallows me up for what seems like days.......days full of emptiness that never seem to end. I feel as if I would give anything to have him back in my arms.......

He was such a gentle soul. At such a young age, he could sweep me off my feet with sweet, sweet love and beautiful, brilliant smiles. He made me feel so needed and so loved. I could see in his eyes the comfort and peace I brought him. And it was always very much reciprocated.


There are many times I wish on a star,

and wish so desperately to be where you are.

My love for you lifts me high in the sky,

where I see your smile and your magnificent eyes.

My arms reach out and pull you near,

away from your sadness, away from your fear.

I will forever protect you deep in my heart,

for in my soul, we will never part.

I'm embraced by your love throughout all of my days,

but I have to be honest and wish that you'd stayed.

Stayed in my life and tucked in my arms,

I'm forever sad I couldn't keep you from harm.

I will remember your sweet face forever my love,

and turn it into happiness that shines down from above. (Lenore Davis)


Hunter brought out the very best in me. He made me realize what it was like to live......live with an overwhelming amount of love, live with an overabundance of gratitude and live with a forever appreciation of living life in the moment. We would have missed out on so many cherished memories if we hadn't lived this way. Zen asked if I would forego all of these tears and this deep seeded pain and agony to have not had Hunter in our life at all........and as soul-wrenching as it is......I'd keep our 3 1/2 years with Hunter and I will be forever grateful for the gift of his life. But I am finding it extremely hard to accept that Hunter had a different destiny. And I will always feel that his destiny should have been lived out with me. I wanted to travel through this life with him sweetly by my side. I wanted to see his precious face glancing up at me, and mine beaming down towards him. I wanted to teach him things and show him things and continue to share the bond that we created so intensely. He and Zen were my best friends. I was happiest and most carefree when I had them near, sharing laughter, exploring love and living fearlessly. Always throwing caution to the wind........and never looking back.

I am forever changed as an individual, as a mother and as a wife. Every single part of me has been sweetly enhanced with a tremendous amount of compassion, selflessness, and deep, loving emotions.....all due to our darling lil' love. He's truly now my gift of life and as his mother, I will continue to look to him for guidance of my heart, guidance of my soul and ways to express my everlasting love for my son who has sadly departed, my adoring husband, whom I love with all of my being, and my beautiful son who will soon enter this world and fill my arms with life, with love and with a meaning that we all understand..........

A mother's love.........there's nothing quite like it and nothing will ever compare.



63 comments:

  1. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day Lenore. As I watch the photos of you and Hunter, I can tell what a wonderful mother you are. The smiles you shared and the joy that is evidenced in the photos, speak volumes about the love you had for your little boy. I hope that Sunday can be a joyous day for you as you celebrate the life you had with Hunter, and the fact that he will always be part of you.

    Love,
    Monica Miyashita, Mom to ^Lydia^, another AML angel

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  2. Guislaine PickeringMay 9, 2010 at 8:58 AM

    “A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens aroundus, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.” W. Irving

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  3. Lenore,

    Yesterday I thought of you while spending time with my family.

    There are just no words to make the pain and emptiness better - Hugs to you and Zen

    Love
    Kayla

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  4. Happy Mother's Day, Lenore. I can't imagine the pain you're enduring, but I am sending love, prayers and good thoughts every day.

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  5. Jennifer Hedges Joseph - What a bitter-sweet Mother's Day...aching for Hunter and cherishing him and feeling his love. Loving you and lifting you up in my heart every single day...

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  6. Plain Jane - lenore, i hope yesterday was good for you. i know it must have been, as every day has been, complicated. i hope each moment gets filled with as much love as possible.

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  7. Jamie Bakos Hairstylist - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! Johnny and I thought about you, Zen, Hunter and your little one alot today. Kisses to you...XX

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  8. Annie Shaughnessy Dauer - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! Thought of you all day. Sending you tons of love and belly kisses.

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  9. Daphne Brogdon - thought of you a lot today. I know how much your arms were aching to hold Hunter today. xo

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  10. Eva Wright Mania - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! You are a beautiful strong Women who is an inspiration to everyone. XO

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  11. Chalese Thill - This day will always be extra special...Happy Mother's Day to you, Lenore. You are truly amazing. Don't ever forget that. Love you so much.

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  12. Kelly Doyle Hinden - Happy Mothers Day Lenore, sending you love and hugs! xoxo

    Danielle Fisher - Happy Mother's Day Lenore

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  13. Faye Davis - Happy Mother's Day Momma!! We are at Mom & Dad's right now and we just had a nice afternoon lunch together. I missed your call, I will call you tonight. I love you. You are just one TERRIFIC mom!! Hugs baby!!

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  14. Robin Fuqua - Happy Mom's Day!!! The tummy is coming soon!!! Love you!

    Suzanne Novak - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! Love you! xoxoxo

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  15. Marilyn Trinkle - Happy Mother's Day to a mom who has inspired and continues to inspire many. We love you, dear-one.

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  16. Sara Wilson - Thinking of you today love! You beauitful angel is showing his love for his amazing mother today and everyday! You truly are an amazing mother! Xoxo

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  17. Sierra Montgomery - Thinking of you today- Hunter & Ryder's mama , Sending you heaps of extra loves. Xoxoxo ! Hang in there sweetie !

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  18. Janet Melton Byrum - Thank you for your post today, it will carry me thru my day;) Thinking of you and sending the same RIGHT BACK TO YOU! Hope you find the time to DANCE the day away!!!!
    love you, Lenore! Happy Mother's Day!!!

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  19. Linda Buonomo - Omg Lenore that is sooo beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes, I too will hold a special place in my heart for your precious love for all the inspiration he had given me. You too have given me inspiration as well and I hope to remain friends always. Love Forever, Linda

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  20. Michael Johnson - Sitting in a coffee shop with tears ... your writing seems to have that effect (I mean that in a very positive way) ... beautifully written Lenore.

    Happy Mother's Day.

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  21. Joelle Earley Tyler - speechless.........you are one amazing woman!

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  22. Donna Alzona - Wow-that is just beautiful. It made my heart hurt and ache, and of course, I'm crying.

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  23. Valerie Gogol ♥ Sending you love today, Lenore

    Eva Wright Mania - xo

    Janet Wilcocks-Wright - So beautiful!...PEACE be with you.

    Marla Mosher - peace be with you on this bittersweet day....love to you -m

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  24. Jennifer Gross Pavicich - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! You are a beautiful mother! Your handsome boy is loving you from above.....

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  25. Loretta Wiggins - Thank you Mother Dear, Hunter 's picture what was exactly what I needed to just now. He looks absolutely wonderful..You have a peace and courage not your own. This strength comes from God alone...so this Mothers Day was from God Through you for all of us right here at this moment for God's purpose. So again, I thank you for sharing your contionous love for Hunter with us (me). I love you, like one of my own.

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  26. Annie Shaughnessy Dauer - Happy Mother's Day Lenore! You are the strongest momma I know. XOXO

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  27. Jacqueline Cannon Collot - you will always be Hunters amazing mom, and soon, you will be mother to another beautiful loving baby who will not only carry Hunter with him, but a Spirit all his own. You have so much love to give, and you and Zen will bring this new life into the world, and that itself is a God given miracle. Enjoy every moment

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  28. Tammy Muffett Bottemiller - Happy Mother's Day to a beautiful mother! Im sending love today!

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  29. Natalie Guerrera Edgell - Happy Mother's Day my sweet, sweet Lenore! Love you!

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  30. Michael Sanville Schoenholt - sending love to you today.. extra special love... xo

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  31. Rod Williams - Hey Len, be strong on this day and keep smiling! We love you and thinking about you!

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  32. Daphne Brogdon - happy mother's day to the strongest mother I know. I know today will be another challenge for you, but you are a great mom, you are Iron Mom.

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  33. Mariela M. Camara - you are amazing

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  34. Kim Montelibano Heil - Lenore, you + Zen + Hunter = AWESOMENESS. Have a beautiful day.

    Brande Jackson ♥

    Kristine Hendershot - Beautiful Lenore!

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  35. Keren Love - I've been browsing your photos today and thinking about Hunter......How chock full of love your life has been.....You are a bleessed mother always to Hunter. Much love, Keren

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  36. Terry Robertson Ince - I love what you wrote to Hunter... It's how I fell each day about Sean and Jessica... Footprints on my heart and soul... Have joy in the presence of Hunter's spirit today and know, with clarity, what an amazing Mom you are to Hunter and Ryder... I love you this day, and alway, sweet Lenore... xxoo

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  37. Linda Buonomo - Lenore I just love the amazing words you write they just fill my heart with love. Have a blessed day!

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  38. Mary Kay Patrick - Have a beautiful day Lenore. Your little Hunter is all around you guiding Ryder into the world. XOXO

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  39. Cathy Donovan Holt - Happy Mother's day to one of the BRAVEST, SWEETEST Women I know. xooxoxoxo

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  40. Jenna L. Berndl - Happy Mother's day!!! Sending lots of love, hugs and kisses!

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  41. Joelle Earley Tyler - To one of the most wonderful mother's I know, one who has inspired so many and taught us to live everyday to the fullest and cherish what you have.........I wish you a wonderful day to reflect on the great memories you had with Hunter and endure the ones that you are going to have with Ryder.

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  42. Beth Weaver-Ryan - Thinking of you today like most days since I discovered your amazing story. I hope this day fills you with love and warmth and tons of hugs and kisses from above!

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  43. Laurie Baker Sienko - Lot's of love and gentle hugs to you on this special day. ♥

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  44. Nikki Chester - Love that you are cherishing the memories . . . along with the tiny little toes! Love to you, Lenore.

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  45. Linda Buonomo - Happy Mothers Day beautiful lady ! I hope you like your special gift I posted for you. I know today is bittersweet but hopefully this will put a little smile on your face and some joy in your heart. Love to you always, Linda. xoxoxo

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  46. Jacqueline Cannon Collot - Happy Mothers Day Lenore, thinking of you always.

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  47. Samantha Tino - Happy Mother's Day Lenore...Hunter and Ryder could not have a better mother. You are truly amazing! Ryder is smiling from your belly at you and Hunter is smiling down at you today and everyday! Lots of Love from Colorado

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  48. Elmira Zainabudinova- Happy Mother's Day, Lenore! I know this one is a tough one for you, but it doesn't take away the fact that you are an amazing Mom. Xo

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  49. Kristine Hendershot - I wanted to wish you a Happy Mother's Day today even though I know it will be an extremely hard one for you! You are and always will be an AMAZING MOMMY!! XOXO

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  50. Allyson Levine - I keep thinking about you this weekend. I love you guys so much and mothers like you are the reason that we celebrate Mother's Day. Unyielding passion, selflessness and true love. You are a true inspiration. xxoo

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  51. Becky Starr - Mothers day is all about You Lenore, your spirit soared and your touched the hearts of many during your challenge
    That's a mom...
    Our love to you and Zen and the new little life coming soon to fill your arms.

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  52. Jennifer Gendron - I'm sending love and hoping today is a good one. You deserve to have a very celebrated Mother's Day weekend.....you are the true definition of a Mom. XOXOX

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  53. Peggy Morgan Davis - God Bless You Sweets..You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Sending Hugs to You...You are and amazing Mother with a Beautiful Soul...Sending xtra Love to you this weekend and Always. XOXO

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  54. Leslie Klinck - The year we lost our daughter, we planted a tree in our yard in her memory. Every year at Mother's Day, the tree is in full bloom with it's white flowers and just beautiful. When I look at it I know it is her beauty touching me from heaven on Mother's Day. Your lil' love will always be with you and will show you in amazing ways. Extra hugs and special wishes to you this weekend!

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  55. Missy Nelson Langtry - I'm thinking of you! This is a hard weekend. I lost my mom to ALL, but am thankful that I have my hubbie and kids. I looked at the blog today and bawled. I am thinking of starting a site call LeukemiaSucks.com! Take care and remember all of the wonderful times.

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  56. Jill Kelly - Lenore...I'm thinking of you this Mother's Day! What a blessing to know that our boys are rejoicing from heaven...looking forward to the day that we will hold them again.
    I can't wait to read your blog!
    with love,
    jill

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  57. Emily Perry-Tresser - I know your mother's day will be a dichotomy of giggles and tears. I LOVE that you wear your heart on your sleeve. I hope you get to put those ankles up, and soak in some much needed Oregon sun! Many bessos..bessos bessos!! Beautiful Lenore

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  58. Betty White Struble - Lenore, thank you for sharing your "PAIN"cation blog. I really enjoy reading your update and viewing your photos. Whoever is taking them, is a really good photographer!! Is it your husband?
    Do I actually have to subscribe to your blog or will I be able to see it here on FaceBook?

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  59. Valerie Gogol ♥ My heart aches for you both... sending love and peace to you ♥

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  60. Janet Melton Byrum - Your writing is as beautiful as you are! Keep posting, you,Zen,Hunter and Ryder give me hope;)

    Thinking of you, as Mother Day creeps closer, praying that you embrace the day with grace and comfort knowing you have always been everything and more to Hunter. True definition of what a mother is.... Celebrate your most precious journey knowing you are so loved! Happy Mothers Day, to one of the strongest Mothers I have ever known.
    Love and tears flow straight to you....

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  61. Jody Ferlaak - I just wrote the longest comment ever on your blog and for some reason it didn't post! When I get a few spare moments again I would love to come back and respond and encourage you. In the meantime, know you are still being loved and prayed for from afar. My heart continues to ache for you. But I have Hope too. With care...xoxo.

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  62. Dearest Lenore-you make me a better mother. I think of Hunter every single day and want you to know that there are so many people that love you. Little Ryder is very very lucky to have you as his mom.

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  63. I don't know you but I can only imagine the pain you feel. You were and are the best Mom in the world. I feel your love shine for your child.
    It doesn't seem right when our children have such pain and suffering. We wish them peace.
    I hope your life is a little better these days although I am sure the emptiness is still there.
    Sincerely,
    Renae

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