Hunter's handprint his last day here on earth.
A link to Zen's Father's Day post from last year.....
wow.....our lives have totally changed.
Honestly, after reading 'A Tribute to Zen', there isn't much I can say about Zen, that I haven't already said over the last few years. I absolutely adore him as a father, and so did Hunter. I still remember when Zen would ask Hunter, "who LOVES you", and Hunter would very happily shout out......."DAD!" Then Zen would say, "who ELSE LOVES you", and Hunter would shout out with such excitement, "MOM!" I LOVED hearing that. I LOVED that he knew what love was, and I just get absolutely tickled that he knew who it was that so deeply loved him. We must have told him 100 times a day. He could tell by the way we spoke to him, he could tell by the way we snuggled with him and he could tell by the way we cared for him. He was always held with such gentle, yet strong, arms and we tried to never let him down and always let him know how very important he was to us.
We fought like hell for that kid.....and he was right there by our sides fighting with us - often times leading the fight. Some people have said to us that 'the apple doesn't fall far from the tree', and that Hunter got his strength and his courage and his remarkable calmness from us. I believe that. But he was also a very unique child and on several occasions, we got our strength and our courage and our calmness from him. His desire and his will to live kept us going for countless days. He inspired us on a daily basis, just by looking at us and smiling.....especially during those times when he was restricted to his bed, hooked up to lots of tubes and machines, while chemo, or red blood cells or antibiotics dripped into his body. His spirit was always glowing and his love and respect for us was always apparent. He truly was an old soul that understood life, love and emotions way beyond his years.
Zen taught Hunter many things, just with his actions alone. He always stood strong, he always represented bravery and he constantly showed his emotions and never let a day go by where Hunter wasn't fully aware of how much Zen loved him. He was there for every procedure, every scan, every chemo treatment and every other time we ever needed him to be there. He was ALWAYS there. There and present and extremely aware of what was going on so that he could assist in making the best decisions for Hunter in the next battles we would have to face. He never let us down and was such a solid force when it came to holding our family together and keeping things moving in a positive direction.
He was an exceptional father to Hunter and he's going to be an even more exceptional father to Ryder. He is now empowered with so much more love, so much more compassion and so much more understanding and appreciation for the true blessing of fatherhood. He is as eagerly awaiting Ryder's arrival as much as I am, and I can't wait to see him raise another warrior. I'm sure he will let Ryder know how proud he was of Hunter and all of his amazing accomplishments. He will pass along what a brave champion he truly was and hope that he grows up cherishing his little soul, just as we do. Ryder will be his own little being......and with the combination of influence and guidance and leadership from Zen, an overabundance of love and affection from me, and a perfect little angel sitting on his shoulder.....he's bound to be a phenomenal child.
Zen, once again, I am in complete awe of you and all that you represent. I couldn't be more honored to be your wife and to travel these rocky roads of life with you by my side. Every challenge we have had to overcome and every challenge we have in the days to come seems that much easier having you as my life partner......standing strong, standing brave and standing with an amazing amount of love. Love for me, love for your children and love for our family. I am much stronger with you in my life, just as you are much stronger with me. Together we will take on this life and whatever comes our way, and I know we will always try to champion our way to the top. And I know that if we have to go down.......I know we will always go down fighting. The only way to go.
Happy Father's Day my love.
A perfect example of Zen keeping Hunter calm during his VERY FIRST cat scan at Children's Hospital in LA. Hunter was only 14 months at the time and had no idea what the heck was going on. He followed his fathers lead and just did what he had to do.
My favorite moments of Zen and Hunter
I love my boys.